Mothers, usually it falls to you the education of children,
especially in the chapter table manners, room cleaning, etc.

Do not be lazy! It is easier to do it then to teach it.
But have courage, teach.
And start early for good habits to become
second nature and not a procedure
to be used only in front of the visits.

Be rigorous! They will hate you sometimes.
You will want to strangle them frequently.
It belongs between people who love each other.
But one day someone will tell you how polite your child is,
helpful, kind, dear. You will faint with surprise and

I’ll never forget that story of the mother who
went to a good manners specialist to ask
what age should her child start in the course. Upon learning that the
son was three months old, she replied: “But perhaps
it is already too late. ”

Do not die of embarassment if your child makes a blunder
in front of your friends.
Do not value the errors or give public roastings.
Never treat the child as if they were a moron,
they understand everything!

Use always a good vocabulary.
This increases the linguistic ability of the children
And do not die of guilt if you ever need to
frustrate your child, such as promise that can not be met,

Despite what the experts say, a little frustration once
in a while prepares the child
to learn how to withstand them throughout their lives when they
unfortunately happen.

The swear world. It is said by all.
Even in television, written in newspapers, etc..
To claim that a child does not repeat it is pure delusion.
Let’s balance.
But the golden rule would be:
swear word in ordinary language is something,
but it can never be used at time of anger, fight.
This also applies to adults.

Teach, compel your children to take care of the mess they make.
The glass of Coke? Back to the kitchen.
The magazine they just read? To the room.
The thousands of chocolate slips? Knead and throw in the ashtray.

The list is endless as the imagination of a child to
install the chaos wherever it, is also infinite.

Some commandments:
Do not go running to serve food in front of others.
Ideally, in fact, would be that children until a certain age do
meals before the adults, the mothers nearby,
patrolling manners.
Do not drop a single grain on the table.
Do not overfill the dish. There is hunger in the world, etc, etc …
If they fill the dish, they have to eat everything.

From five years, do not cut the meat all at once.
Five? Perhaps I have exaggerated. Seven.
Do not mix meat with fish.
Pasta with flour, etc.. this is culture.
Ask permission to get up when the meal is finished,
they can claim they need to study, to avoid the torture of
staying on the table until the coffee time.
An ordeal.

Never hit the door with a crash not even when they fight
with the brother
Only shout if by snakebite.
Or stay dumb or static in the elevator.
Never call the mother’s friend “auntie”.
In fact, never call anyone “auntine” unless
the real auties.
And just to be clear: Aunt Rose, Aunt Helen, never

I love babies! When the running around age begins,
I confess I like it a little less.
I have to say this very low, so not to offend the mothers.
Let’s talk about this sublime phase:
They like to move through the six inches spaces
between the couch and the table, play chasing in a 2×3 meters room
They place the chair in front of the TV,
hang on the chandelier, paint the walls of the living room,
the ceiling, etc, and all of this they do screaming.

I think this may be the more energetic stage of the human being.
Ah, it is the age of the pillows fight, cushions that
fly out the window.
Young parents love these pranks.
But do not find it so strange if some of your friends
don’t are too into that lovely phase of your whelps as much as you.
Children are difficult, it takes big patience to
stand what they often are up to.

But children grow up, and one day they want to bring
their girlfriend to sleep at home.
Money for Motel only if you give them.
So what to do?
Of course, we understand the situation, but frankly,
having to cross the corridor with the unkempt stunner
wearing T-shirt and holding toothbrush, maybe asking:
“Auntie, can you lend me a hairbrush?”
OK, fine. But if you have three children?
Will it be three stunners?
I guess I would leave the house on weekends
and would sleep on the couch in my mother’s house,
at friend’s, on the beach’s bank, leaving kids comfortable at home.
They and I would be just fine.
But only until Sunday at nineteen hours, not a minute more.

Even the more modern children tend to be fogey
about their own mothers.
Therefore, start taking notes, in front of the children:
Mother does not date, does not take more than a drink,
does not say that she thinks Jeff Bridge hot.
Sorry! Mother does not pronounce that word.
Neither knows what it means.
Do not wear mini-skirt, dot not love Madonna,
she can only like Roberto Carlos, Julio Iglesias.
They love you, but these preferences always bother.

Not even friends in commen children and mothers should have, as a precaution.
So when fate put you in the same party,
be what they want you to be, nullify yourself.
You must little, very little personality.
Do the distinct and cheerful type, if possible, wear a gray wig.
Be discrete and asexual, have only few opinions,
socialize with the older people and treat the younger as if you were
a super nice aunt, nothing more. Laugh at their stories and
do not tell any of yours.


Mother has no past.
Only talk about recipes, children, offer to bring a dress
to the seamstress fix, have good addresses to provide.

Cooking tips, tell how the world was in you time,
Your children will love it, and after this party go running have a
whisk, double, at the Bonju bar to avoid a heart attack.

On the other hand, in front of the grandchildren, do everything you should not
and more!
Grandchildren usually love grandmothers, let’s say, the ones outside the box.
That is because they know they will be able to count on them
as strong allies in fogey crises with parents.

Cruel? No… only the truth.
And more: That’s what makes the Balance of Life.

Pedro Bial

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